If you or someone is in immediate danger you should call 999
If you or someone is in immediate danger you should call 999
Cambridgeshire County Council DASV Partnership

Information for Friends and Family

Domestic abuse is when a partner, ex-partner or someone else in the family, hurts a person or makes them scared.  Domestic abuse does not always involve physical violence.  Controlling someone, restricting their access to money, work, talking to friends and family - is still domestic abuse.
 
It can be very upsetting to think that someone is hurting a person you care about. The first thing you may want to do is to protect that person. But this could be dangerous. 
 
To give support:
  • Give the person time to open up. You may have to try a few times before they will talk to you.
  • Be direct. You could say: “I am worried about you because…” or “I am worried about your safety”.
  • Do not judge. Believe what they say.
  • Tell them the abuse is not their fault and that you are there for them.
  • Concentrate on giving support and building their confidence.
  • Help your friend to keep contact with people outside the home.
  • Be patient. It can take time for someone to understand that they are being abused. It can take even longer for them to decide what to do.
  • Tell them they are not weak. Domestic abuse is all about one person using power over another.
  • Encourage them to keep a diary of anything that happens and to tell other people about it.
  • Encourage them to report anything that happens to a GP or the police. 

For more information please access the Friends & Family leaflet

If someone is in immediate danger call 999
For local Support, please call DASS 0300 373 1073 if the victim lives in Cambridgeshire or The Peacock Project 01733 894964 if the victim lives in Peterborough (Monday - Friday 09.00 - 17.00)
National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247
If you are worried about a child call 0345 045 5203 (Cambridgeshire) or 01733 747474 (Peterborough)
Clare's Law
If you are worried about a friend or family member that may be at risk of harm from their partner, you can find out if they have a Police record of previous violence, or if the police hold other information that may indicate that they are a risk. 
You can do this by applying as a third party under the Domestic Violence Disclosure scheme - Clare's Law.
Please access the link on the left hand side of the page for more information

Some of the signs of domestic abuse
  • The person behaves differently when their partner is there.
  • They seem nervous when with their partner.
  • They are not their usual self. They are not as confident as usual or they seem scared.
  • Their partner texts or calls them all the time when they are out with you or they have stopped contact with you.
  • They have started to cancel plans at the last minute, or they make excuses not to spend time with you.
  • They are always saying sorry for what their partner does.
  • You have noticed bruises or other injuries. You think they are not telling the truth about how they got them.
  • Your friend has changed how they look. Perhaps they dress differently or have stopped putting on make-up.
  • They may be using Facebook less than before.
  • They may have been taking more time off sick from work than usual. 
  • They may have limited access to money even though you know this isn't the case.
What a person suffering from domestic abuse may be feeling or experiencing:
  • They may always feel scared that there will be more violence or that their children are not safe.
  • They may think it is their fault and that if they change the domestic abuse will stop.
  • They may be confused because they love their partner but hate the abuse. They may be hoping that the partner’s good side will come back.
  • They may depend on their partner for money and to feel good about themselves.
  • Many people feel shame, guilt, embarrassment.
  • They may feel hopeless and so find it hard to make decisions about the future.
  • People often think no one will believe them.
  • They may worry that if they ask for help they will never see their children again.
  • Men may feel they are not real men. They may not believe they are a victim. Gay men suffer worse violence than men who are not gay.
  • In a same-sex relationship the partner may say they will tell the person’s family, friends and colleagues that they are gay. 

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